I'm Assuming
by seeyouontheice
Summary: Janny OneShot; serioulsy? what else do i write about - its always janny.


_"So I'm assuming it's mine?" Jonny said in a voice forced with calm._

_"I'm not doing this here," Jac muttered and made to walk off but he caught up with her after a few steps and grabbed her arm._

_"Were you even going to tell me? What was the plan Jac?"_

_"There was no plan!" she almost yelled in desperation. Couldn't he see that she'd been sprung this news just as unexpectedly as he had? That she was still struggling for it to make sense and for it to seem real? _

_"So?" he questioned almost harshly._

_"So nothing. There is nothing to talk about. It's over. It was a false alarm."_

_"How do you know?"_

_Jac hated to admit it but she needed him to realised just how 'not happening' it was just like she'd had to tell Mo … truthfully? Mo's concern had touched her but Jac had, typically, refused her help and kindness, "Because I've been bleeding."_

_He ran a hand over his face and glanced round and Jac wondered if it was anxiety on his face as he digested the news; "How long?"_

_"This morning."_

_"And have you bled again? Just answer the question," he added irritably when she made to protest. _

_"Oh look, it's just my body okay?" she wanted him to leave it, to accept that it wasn't happening; that the whole 'miracle pregnancy' thing had been a cruel joke – not that he knew how much of a miracle it had been … _

_"But it has everything to do with me!" compared to last time, he was being a lot more – assertive? – about it all and not letting her burry her head in the sand as she'd tried to do last time._

_She relented and found she was speaking the first things that drifted through her mind, "Fine, so … so what if we were pregnant? What would we do then? Would we get married? Would we buy a house with a nursery and a … and a dog?" she'd unconsciously used the plural because it was a 'we' rather than 'I' situation. It involved them both, and there was no way that – if on the off chance the bleeding _was_ nothing – she could do this without him. "It's better this way. It's the best thing that could have happened," Jac stated, trying to convince herself._

_"Let me get my head round this. Last week you were definitely pregnant, and now the only indication that you have that you may not –"_

_"Because I know my own body!" she butted in before he could finish._

_"You should have a test." Jonny insisted._

_"I am not doing a test!"_

_"I need to know for sure … you owe me that much," the truth of his words meant she couldn't fight back and she took the advantage of Ollie's interruption and left him standing there alone while she tried to tell figure out what she was feeling._

IN THE STAFF ROOM …

_"I still don't see why you're doing this," Jac told him conversationally as she touched the razor to his head and began to shave off his wavy iron-grey hair._

_Sacha shrugged, "Before I had kids, people would say stuff like; 'I would throw myself under a bus for my child' and I would think 'no you wouldn't, not really.' But when it actually came down to it …" he trailed off._

_ "And now?" Jac prompted._

_"In a heartbeat."_

_Unconvinced Jac muttered, "Yeah well that's just you; the world's biggest pushover."_

_"The weird thing about being a parent is you can't possibly imagine what it's like until you're doing it you know. It just seems impossible." Jac paused for a moment; yes parenthood did seem virtually impossible, which was one of her many worries. "How am I looking by the way?" her friend asked brightly._

_"Horrendous," she replied honestly with a small smiled._

_"Oh good."_

_"What if," Jac began hesitantly, seeking his understanding of what to do but at the same time not yet ready to say the word out loud, "you're one of those people who has a child and then discovers that they don't have 'it' … whatever that thing is."_

_"You have it, trust me!" So being cryptic hadn't fooled him but Jac didn't really mind all that much; this was Sacha, "You're brutally honest … you never sugar coat anything. And nothing seems to scare you." Sacha frowned slightly as he continued, "In fact, the more I think about it the more I think that you would make a brilliant parent. A tiny Naylor – wow, there's a thought!" _

_Jac smiled and then kissed the top of his head as they shared a moment or two of companionship while they digested the thought of a 'tiny Naylor' and what it would mean. He didn't ask who the father was, but Jac suspected that he'd already guessed – after all it had been when she was on the phone to him whilst in Japan that Jac had realised she loved Jonny and he'd just responded with 'has it taken you this long?' Mo had said that bleeding was perfectly normal – which it was – but she'd also been a bit on the worried side because of Jac's endometriosis. Jonny wanted her to take a test, just for his own peace of mind and his solution was the most radical. But Jac wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer because she was still unsure how she felt. Sacha twisted in the chair and looked at her questioningly and Jac gave in and confided in him. _

_"Just take the test Jac; for your sake as well as his," he told her reasonably once she'd finished._

_"But what if …" Jac bit her tongue and nodded, uncertain what the end of her sentence was._

_"Take the test." He repeated firmly._

IN THE BATHROOM …

_"Well?" he asked as she placed the stick on the side and washed her hands._

_"It takes a couple of minutes!" she told him, exasperatedly._

_"Look I just want you to know whatever –"_

_Picking up the stick Jac cut in at once; "Don't – don't give me the speech," looking down at the stick she began to urge it to hurry up. "Okay come on come on come on come on …"_

_"Give me that thing," probably annoyed at her impatience, Jonny snatched the test off her and hid it in his fists so the result would be hidden from them both. "Whatever happens here there is a way of making it work. Alright, we are not together and this is nobody's idea of an ideal situation but we're grownups, right? And, well in a lot of ways this might be exactly what we need."_

_"This is the last thing we need."_

_"Stop; okay just stop fighting so hard, you have nothing to prove to me ..." Jac looked up at him; yes she did, she had everything to prove to him of all people … she was carrying his child and now she'd seen how fantastic he was with kids, Jac found it ten times harder to live up to the prospect of being a mother. "Alright, for once in your life be honest with me; what do you want this to say?"_

"I don't know," Jac whispered truthfully. "I honestly don't know Jonny … I – I want … I want both outcomes, but I don't know which I want more."

"Why both?"

"Because I'm scared," she admitted in a tiny whisper.

"Don't be scared," he told her gently, "because we'll do this together, okay? One wee step at a time." Jonny looked at her, somewhat surprised by her honesty before he glanced down at the result on the white stick and Jac sincerely hoped that he meant what he said about them doing it together step by step.

"Well?" she asked softly.

He met her gaze, "positive," she hadn't lost it; the being inside her was safe and still there and hadn't left her. It shocked Jac that her overwhelming emotion right then was relief when she hadn't even gotten round to deciding whether she was going to keep it or not.

"Good …"

"Good?"

"I think … what about you?"

Jonny studied her intently, "yeah good … Listen, Jac –" but they were interrupted by Jac's pager announcing that Jac was due in theatre in less than five minutes. He watched her hurry out of the bathroom and sighed before following her out determined to ask her one final question before he went home and let it sink in properly.

Asking Mo if she would keep an eye on Eve for him, and making sure that the little girl was okay with it, he headed towards theatre and scrubbed up wondering how to phrase it so that she would answer, not throw him out, and keep the news from the gossip wheel for as long as possible … _easier said than done Jonny _he realised as Jac stepped up to the table. Deciding on simplicity, he took his place and crossed his arms as Jac picked up the scalpel. "We gonna do this then?"

Her eyes flickered up to him, "Looks like it," she answered and while the rest of theatre presumed they were on about operating on the teenager without parental consent, Jac knew exactly what Jonny was asking. Theatre passed uneventfully and without any complications – in some sense it was boring – and it was with gratitude that Jonny sunk into a chair at the nurses' station to hear the news of Sacha Levy's radical new hair cut thanks to Jac from Mo and how Eve was curled up asleep in the on-call-room.

"Jac told me," Jonny said, cutting his friend off mid-sentence.

"Told you what?"

"That your artistic skills really need improving."

"Ah … yeah … I wanted to tell you mate but y'know how Jac is." Jonny nodded tolerably, "what? No happy dance of impending daddy-hood then Jonny Mac?"

"Give it time to – y'know – settle in!" Mo smiled and then hugged him tightly.

"Well I'd love to stay and chat about all this, but by the looks of you it's still to hit you so I'm off home. Enjoy the night shift with your hormonal boss who just so happens to be carrying your love-child!" she got up and disappeared into the locker room, emerging ten minutes later pulling her coat on. "Oh, and for the record, dealing with Jac is _your _responsibility, kay? After all it is your fault she's gonna be ten times moodier than usual for the next nine months."

"Aw thanks Mo!" he yelled after her.

"Do you mind _not_ waking the entire ward Maconie?" Jac asked from somewhere behind him. Swivelling on his chair Jonny watched as she sorted through the gigantic pile of notes that seemed to have doubled during her absence from the ward. "Where's the kid?"

"Oh so you're showing an interest now are ya?"

"No, I just don't fancy having to send out search parties for it."

"It?" Jonny repeated, amused. "It's a child Jac. Not an it or a thing; a kid who will one day grow up into an adult like us."

"Can't wait," she muttered heading for the staff room. After a few moments, Jonny went to check on Eve. However when he poked his head round the door, the little girl wasn't there like Mo had assured him she would be. Panicking Jonny ran to the staff room to beg Jac to help him look for the little girl when he spotted Eve wondering around by the lifts crying.

"Oh come here you wee rascal!" he picked her up and smiled, wiping her tears. "You had uncle Jonny worried for a few moments! What'd ya run off for eh?" he carried her back to the nurses' station; unawares that Jac was watching him from the doorway of the staff room with two cups of tea in her hands. Settling down with her on his lap Jonny asked her again why she'd not stayed in the on-call-room like Mo had asked her to.

"Need toilet."

"Do you want me to take you?"

"You're a boy!"

A laugh caused him to look up and he saw Jac watching him, trying to hide a smile that was creeping along her lips. "Well, why doesn't Jac take you instead then?"

"What?"

Eve twisted in Jonny's arms to get a good look at Jac and then nodded. Triumphant, Jonny set the girl on the floor and took the two cups of tea off Jac with a grin as Eve started tugging urgently at the bottom of Jac's scrub top. Expecting her to delegate the task to the passing nurse, Jonny was surprised when she did as the little girl asked and took her to the bathroom.

"Did that just happen?" Jonny looked at a shocked Ollie and grinned.

"You saw it with your own eyes mate."

"Wow … well I'm done for the day."

"See you tomorrow."

"Yeah."

Jonny wasn't at the nurses' station when Jac returned with Eve clutching her hand almost painfully, however, thankfully, her 'mother' was awake and so Jac was relived of babysitting duty. Explaining to the girl about the success of theatre and that they weren't going to call the social, Jac bid them good night and returned to the staffroom to make herself another cup of tea since Jonny had wondered off with her other one.

"What's wrong with the one ya just made? It's still hot after all and you know how I feel about your tea preferences." Switching the kettle off, Jac turned to see Jonny taking a seat on the sofa with her tea, his tea and a packet of biscuits under his arm.

"You'd wondered off with it," Jac told him as she joined him, taking her drink and sipping it.

"Well I had brought these in to fill up the biscuit box but forgot so I went to get them, sorry." Jac shook her head and Jonny realised she'd been teasing him. "Where's Eve?"

"With her mum."

"But she's not her mum though is she? She's her sister."

Jac sighed. "Louise is the only mother she's known. Does it really matter if it's not technical or biological? Besides Eve is too young to know or think any differently."

"I still find it hard that a mother can just get up and leave one day."

"It happens more often than you think," Jac whispered softly meeting his confused look and realising that she had to explain. "Look … there's some stuff I probably should tell you about."

"What 'stuff'?" Jonny asked.

"About me – my … my childhood wasn't exactly … well," Jac shrugged. "It would be easier on me, if I didn't tell you but … well, if I make a mistake in the future then maybe you'll understand … if you know then you might understand."

"Why would it be easier if you didn't tell me?"

"Because if I talk about it then I have to remember," Jac looked down into her tea.

"Was it really that bad Jac?"

"Worse," she told him in a voice struggling to retain its strength.

He placed his cup on the floor and then took Jac's from her and put it next to it. Jonny then surprised Jac by pulling her into his strong arms and holding her tightly against his chest. "We don't have to do this now," he murmured into her hair. "I'm not going to make you do this now if you don't want to … but Jac," he sighed, "letting me in doesn't mean I'm gonna hurt you; it means I'll understand you better and it means that I can help you better."

"It's not that Jonny it's … I – this, me; it's a lie okay? A lie to convince myself that … I'm not broken and that everything's alright. It's one big fat lie to make me believe that things aren't nearly as bad as they seem to be. It's just one big lie because if people knew the truth then … then I'd get sympathy and people will say they understand when they don't and – and … I can't cope with all that Jonny … I can't – I'm broken.

He held her tighter and kissed the top of her head gently. "You're not broken Jac … _you _are not broken."

Jac lifted her face and it was only when Jonny wiped away tears from her cheeks that she realised she was crying, "How can you say that when you don't even know the half of it?"

He glanced round the room, searching for the right words. "Then help me to Jac; help me to understand you and know you … help me to fix you."

"You think it's that simple?" she whispered as he continued to wipe away her tears as they fell. "You honestly think it'll be that easy?"

"Nothing worthwhile is ever easy Jac; me granny tells me that at least ten hundred times a day whenever I see her …" he cocked his head slightly. "I think she'd like you – me granny; she'd drive you up the wall at times, but then she does that to me without trying … yeah I think you'd like her too."

"Why the sudden talk of your family?"

Jonny shrugged. "You'll have to meet them sometime," he reasoned causing Jac to roll her eyes, "and if you're good, I might agree to meeting yours!" Jac bit her lip and tried to fight the tears that had been lurking under the surface since she'd realised she'd been bleeding earlier that morning. His talk of families and how he so clearly loved his just brought home to her the fact that she didn't have one; and it hurt, "What did I say? Oh come here!"

Collapsing against his chest Jac cried and cried and cried. She cried for the first time since Joseph had left her alone. "You didn't say anything," Jac whispered eventually after she'd cried herself out. "It's just … I don't exactly have a family as such – not like you do or everybody else does."

Jonny leant back against the sofa with Jac firmly in his arms neither seemed willing to part anytime soon; Jonny kissed the top of her head. "I'm sorry," he muttered. "There are all kinds of gossip about stuff that happened with your mother but I kinda just … switch off when they talk about you."

"Why?"

"Because I figured that you'd tell me the truth when you were ready."

They sat in silence for a while longer and Jac voiced something that had been bothering her for a while. "Did you love me?"

He froze, "Of course I did."

"You never said it." Jac lifted her head and looked at him; "I meant it … when I said it. I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it … I still do – mean it."

"Just because I never said it didn't mean I meant it any less."

Jac sat up and picked up her warm tea, taking a sip and wondering why it would've changed things if he'd said it. "She never said it to me … my mother. She never told me she loved me. Maybe … maybe that's part of the reason I am like I am." Jonny snaked his arm round her waist but didn't speak – probably because he knew she just needed him to listen right then.

He murmured to her to continue and she did.

"She walked out on me when I was twelve … well I guess it was only a matter of time before it happened. They put me into care and … and –" Jac struggled with how to tell him what happened without telling him. "Let's just say I didn't have that great a time; things … happened to me that I – I … I can't forget and sometimes that's all I wanna do."

"Is that why you were so opposed to calling Social Services earlier?"

"Maybe I'm just being paranoid … but you still hear of that kinda stuff happening – even though they say they've stopped it from happening. Truth is they can't protect everyone and … and I was one of those ones that they didn't want to."

"I do," Jonny murmured into her ear. "I wanna protect you Jac; to look after you. I wanna fix you … if you'll let me. Isn't that my job? Being dad? Doesn't that mean I have to look after you and the baby and make sure that no one ever hurts either of you? I'll do it; if you want me to."

Jac hesitated, letting him hold her. "I … I need you to," she whispered finally. "But I …"

"Would it help if I said it?"

"No one's ever said it to me and truly meant it …" Jac closed her eyes as his arms held her together and made things seem easier and brighter and less frightening. "What if … what if I screw up?"

"What d'you mean?"

"With the whole being a parent thing … what if I mess up? You know, I know, Mo knows and so does Sacha …" Jac looked up at Jonny. "Thing is, Sacha's the only one who thinks I can do it – and do it brilliantly apparently – what if … what if I do exactly what my mum did? I don't think I'd live with myself if I forced our baby into care."

"Why are you so insistent that you're going to mess up? Sacha isn't the only one who thinks you can do it; I _know_ you can – you won't be brilliant Jac; you'll be fantastic." Jonny smiled at her reassuringly. "And I'll be here for you both," he – somewhat hesitantly, as if he were afraid Jac would tell him off – placed his hands over her stomach, "every step of the way." Jac looked down at his hands and then placed hers over his as it finally hit her.

_I'm having a baby – Jonny's baby._ "Will you mean it?"

"You know I will Jac …"

"And you'll stay? With me – us?"

"Through it all … and one day, we'll get a phone call – actually I'd prefer it if we were told in person – to say that we're gonna be grandparents."

Jac bit her lip and smiled. "I love you," she watched his eye – the eyes, someone had told her, never lied.

"I love you too."

And he meant it. But more importantly, she believed him.


End file.
